Just start!

I’ll be as honest as the day is long – this whole ‘blog’ thing completely freaks me out. I’ve been pondering for weeks what I could possibly write. Wondering ‘what do I have to say that is of any real value in a world where everyone shares everything, all the time? And besides, I’m no expert on anything!’ So far, I’ve come up with zero ideas. So instead, in light of the advice from Marie Forleo, I’m starting before I am ready. I’m going to stop thinking and start doing! I enjoy writing, so hopefully my thoughts fall freely and easily and lead to something worthwhile.

I grew up in the 90’s – I am a part of the population that got to experience life before computers and was old enough at the time to remember it. I didn’t see or touch a computer until I was in Year 4. We didn’t have a computer in our classroom until Year 5 and mostly we used it for TypeQuick (thank you very much, such a handy skill to have!). My family - six kids and Mum and Dad - shared a dial-up connection and one massive computer between us until my senior years of schooling. Hilarious when I think back now, us three older ones fighting over time on MSN and Mum shouting ‘you better not be on that chat program!’ and us intermittently phantom tapping the keys to make her think we were in fact doing an assignment and not just waiting for our friends or (in my case) latest crush to respond. These days, that whole concept is wild to think about. But here’s us, pre-internet. Cute, right?

When Y2K rolled around, I was turning 10. At this point I spent my days playing on our acreage – we had gotten our first two ponies, Snowy and Candy and I spent a great deal of time learning how to ride. I remember the adults talking about it on the radio – the world was going to end. The turn of the century was going to bring the end of the world. In a way, maybe it did – at least as we knew it. Everyone panicked and those that had them pulled their stocks, causing a huge market crash and massive flow-on effects of financial instability. I remember feeling frightened. I expected that when the clock struck midnight, the world would explode. I think that was the first year I stayed awake until midnight, just to see if time kept moving forward. Perhaps I indulged a little bit too much in the fantasy of tragedy that could happen. Would it be asteroids like what happened to the dinosaurs? Would an all-encompassing fire engulf everyone and everything? Would a tidal wave take us all out? It was at that time I packed an ‘in case I have to leave immediately’ bag and made a mental list of what we would need to take. Sounds crazy, right? Maybe you did it too? Maybe I paid too much attention to what the adults were saying. John Marsden’s Tomorrow series only worsened this feeling of impending doom. That bag stayed packed and was regularly updated for most of my childhood. Ready to go. At any disaster. Then the 9/11 attacks happened in September of 2001 – that was the end of any of us ever feeling truly safe again. By 2007 we were heading for a major GFC that blew shit out of the water for the whole world.

What all of this means, regarding this blog and me (and maybe you) and possibly being a creative millennial, is that when it came to picking careers, none of us had much choice in what we could do. We were urged into ‘lifelong’ careers that we had to pick at 16 and 17. Right? We were told to be safe – that something stable and with a regular, decent income was the most important thing. If you were a girl, like me, you were advised to pick ‘caring’ roles, such as Nursing or Teaching or Occupational Therapy, because they were more suitable for the ‘empathetic nature’ of women (which is madness really). Mind you, it wasn’t my parents saying all these things - it was my teachers and career guidance counselors! I didn’t pick Art in Year 11 and 12 – despite loving it – because it would lead me nowhere and was only meant as a ‘fun’ subject. Being a musician was out of the question – if you wanted to continue in music, you either headed to the Conservatorium of Music and became a music teacher or you taught whatever instrument you played and hoped you could make enough. But make it as a successful career band? Or singer? Or sound technician? Rarely, if ever did that happen. Be an artist? You’ll end up living with your parents forever – you can only manage that on the side. A ceramicist? You’re living in fairy land. An actor? HA! And anyone who dared think about this was told, repeatedly, that they would fail. At least, I was told this. And friends were too. That’s not to say I don’t know of some that were successful – I do – and I am so proud of those people for being brave enough to say, ‘screw you’ and do what they wanted to do anyway – bravo! I am by no means speaking for everyone, but this is definitely a story I have heard many times before. Most of us just stayed the path – because to do otherwise was considered ‘self-destruction’. Because of all that had happened by the time we left school and headed off for University or TAFE, most of us chose the safe path. The stable path. Some of us may even still practice in that career today.

I won’t lie – I love teaching high school students and the job has been rewarding and financially safe and has allowed me a fair chunk of time away with my babies without a great deal or professional or financial penalty. But I feel like we are coming into this new era. One where people are allowed to let their creativity flow without so much judgement. Suddenly, creatives are relearning their old skills. They’re dusting off the cobwebs on their pencil sets, they’re greasing their fingers with their pastels, they’re buying the new camera to match their skill level, they’re heading to Eckersley’s or Spotlight or Riot! and stocking up on All. The. Art. Things. Instagram and other social media apps have opened a world where people can share their paintings, their drawings, their singing, their sculptures, their process, all while tying it into a neat little bow that is them as a person. It’s allowing people to not only create again, and to be authentic in that creativity, but it’s affording them the opportunity to make money! Off of their passion! Something we were told would never be possible – something we were told was ludicrous to even ponder! And I can tell you one thing for sure. I. Am. Here. For. It.

A lot of people I speak to have some hidden talent, some creative gift and energy that they were amazing at as a kid. And most don’t practice it anymore! My older brother was the most amazing artist when he was younger. Like, at the age of 12, he could draw the most incredible portraits just by looking at the person. One of my little brothers has the most divine singing voice I have ever heard (another great drawer too). And I’ve heard a lot of voices, singing in many Choirs over the years. No word of a lie, every time I catch him singing, his voice makes me cry – it’s the voice of an angel and I wish I heard it more often. When he was a boy, he was constantly singing like an opera singer. Constantly.  He was so extra. It used to piss us all off. But now… his range is incredible, his vibrato one that I am completely in awe of. It makes me sad that they don’t really practice their creativity so much anymore. It’s a sadness I feel for both them and for the world that doesn’t get to see or hear their gifts.

I have, for many years, painted in my books and not shared much at all. I painted, but without any real knowledge of myself or my style. And I’m still very much figuring all of that out and I believe it will be an endless, ever-changing journey. But I have wanted, so much, to be a painter. I’m talking big, textured canvases that bring uplifting life to plain walls that would have otherwise remained empty. I’ve felt a pulling and tugging towards doing this for a really long time – years and years – but now, that feeling seems to have strengthened a great deal, like I’m being dragged towards it. I have no idea what I’ll paint – I have no idea what my style is or whether it’ll be anything worth looking at. I am, however, excited (and a wee bit scared) to start.

So where does all this lead? Surprisingly, my thoughts and words have flown quite willingly. Who would have thought! I am at the very beginning of my journey back into creativity and putting it out to the world. But it feels so good to be doing it all again. So, what I want to say is that I know it can be scary – but if you have that ‘pull’ to do something creative – listen to your intuition, listen to that inner voice, and just start. Tomorrow. This week. Just. Start. And do it consistently. And share it! I promise, it’ll bring you joy.